The Grand Adventure of the 2008 Nevill Bullock Mass Tour of New Zealand

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a grand King named Nevill Bullock. He ruled over the beautiful land of New Zealand. Sadly, there was a horrible problem in the kingdom - there was a surplus of the evil substance known as ALCOHOL.

Needing to rid his land of this dreadful drink, King Bullock thought and thought about ways to solve this problem. Finally, the oh so wise King came up with a plan. He sent out invitations to the four corners of the world summoning the bravest of all Knights and Ladies to come to New Zealand. Eight steadfast Round Tablers and three incredibly beautiful Princesses answered the call.

They made their way to this distant land of New Zealand on giant flying dragons. They came from the powerful lands of Scotland, India, Australia, Switzerland, and Germany. Although, a few of those from Germany claimed to be from an unknown land called Belgium, however, no one was convinced this land really existed.

Once this group of thirsty foreigners arrived in New Zealand the adventure began…

Day One

The noble Tablers and lovely Ladies arrived in the Royal City of Christchurch on the fourth and fifth of March in the year two thousand and eight. They were tired from their long journeys. Yet they were also eager to assist King Bullock in his quest to rid New Zealand of vast quantities of alcohol.

Upon arrival in this fair land, many kind and generous members of Christchurch’s 41 club met the honoured foreigners. They had agreed to take in the unknown Tablers and pretty Princesses and to give them food and shelter. Graeme Bickley, Lord of Christchurch and representative of King Nevill Bullock, also met the visitors. Lord Bickley was a stoic and decent leader. But with him, was a red-cheeked and jolly boy named Stuart. Stu was the Court Jester and had spent many years trying to save the Kingdom of New Zealand by drinking all of the evil alcohol himself!

Surprisingly, Jester Stu’s valiant efforts had failed. That is why King Bullock needed the courageous foreign Tablers and charming foreign Ladies to help. But a very important job had been given to him. Jester Stu was assigned the duty of escorting the outsiders around New Zealand and showing them where to find the evil alcohol substance.

On the first official night of the Grand Tour of New Zealand, the sainted 41ers decided to divide and conquer. As such, the spirited foreigners were taken to many different places to eat, and of course, to drink as much of their host’s alcohol as possible. All of the intrepid Tablers and darling Damsels did their best. However, the most notable of efforts was by the famed Tablers of India - Deepu, Prathap, and Kishore.

These three, under the royal guidance of Lord Bickley drank the dreadful alcohol substance until the wee hours of the morning. It is said that Tabler Deepu drank so much that he even left the impression of his head on the china cabinet of Lord Bickley’s home. It was an impressive effort to rid New Zealand of alcohol on this the very first day of the Grand Tour.

On the morning of the second day, all of the chivalrous Tablers and exquisite Ladies gathered at the home of Lord Bickley. The Jester Stu joined them. He brandished forth two ferocious beasts, which he named “The Van for Six” and “The Van for Seven.” Once settled in these beasts, Lord Bickley and Jester Stu took the inquisitive foreigners into the hills to reveal to them the beauty of Christchurch. Lord Bickley frequently stopped the procession so that all could extract their photographic machines and capture the splendor.

After extensive wanderings around Christchurch, the troupe found themselves in the seaside village of Sumner. In this place, provisions were taken and a few of the bravest Tablers partook of glasses of the frightful substance of beer. The beastly vans then carried the nomadic Tablers and sweet Ladies to the very heart of Christchurch city. At the pristine Cathedral Square; the noble group separated and returned to the care of their benevolent hosts and hostesses.

At six-thirty prompt, these saintly guardians escorted the gregarious interlopers to Mount Cavendish. Awaiting them there was a magical transport device called a “Gondola.” The gondola whisked the fearless Tablers and delightful Ladies up the mountain. All traveled with happy hearts except for the fair maiden Karen. Her knees shook and her knuckles whitened, but in the end Karen's courage shown through and she made it to the top.

Here had gathered all the most honourable people of Royal Christchurch. Chief amongst them was Lord Graeme. Unfortunately though, they had been unable to conceal the meeting from the Court Jester Stu. So Stu was there as well.

Lord Graeme, Jester Stu, and Sir Bruce formally introduced the foreign travelers and knighted the honorable Tablers. Pleased by this grand reception, the Tablers and Circlers from around the world agreed to the charge of Lord Graeme, which was to develop fellowship, encourage by example, promote international understanding, and of course, to rid the land of New Zealand of vast quantities of the evil alcohol.

As such, the noble group set forth with resolute determination, on that very night, to drink Mount Cavendish dry. Guy Bernard also took on the special mission of disposing of any leftover food. Therefore, he gallantly ate several dessert plates!

The night's activities proved an excellent start of the foreigner's time in the land of New Zealand.

It is an absolute fact, that on the third day, all (and I do mean all including Tabler Dan and Princess Shyla) of the honorable foreigners met at the gathering spot on time! There, a Golden Chariot, driven by the fearless Captain Denis Pickens, met the ambitious Tablers and exotic Ladies. At this first meeting, all seemed normal. It was only later that the group was to learn Captain Denis was slightly crazy and quite eccentric.

Today, Jester Stu announced there would be a Royal Court with officers that changed each day of the Grand Tour of New Zealand. For this day, Jester Stud appointed Andreas of Germany to serve as King. Subsequently appointed to the Royal Court was Lady Shyla who was made Scribe, Tabler Ken who led the battle against 22 bottles of alcohol as the Barkeeper, and Princess Annick who was asked to care for Freda - a fairy cow that would be joining the travelers on the Chariot. The final position in the Royal Court was that of Sheriff. This was assigned to Tabler Deepu. He monitored the activities and then levied penalties that night. He originally claimed a total of 54 dollars in penalties. However, it was universally acknowledged that his fines were too steep and refunds were made reducing his total to a mere 17 dollars.

When the Golden Chariot left Christchurch, it went only a few kilometers when the righteous Tablers and delightful Princesses spotted the fabled land of St. Helena. Located in this realm was a vast vineyard owned by the Mundy clan. The Mundy’s were infamous for poisoning the land with Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Noir wine. The daring foreigners decided they must stop there and attempt to drink all the alcohol in St. Helena. The dedicated Tablers and pleasing Ladies drank seven different varietals of wine before Captain Denis announced it was time to continue the journey.

However, once again the group had only traveled a short distance when a stop was made. This time they had seen a store notorious for selling alcohol known as schnapps. The brave Tablers and daring Damsels entered in and battled the dreaded drink. All managed a shot and some did several. Feeling they had done their duty, the band re-boarded the Golden Chariot.

Captain Denis directed the Chariot up the New Zealand coast to a town called Kaikoura. There King Andreas and Court Jester Stu acquired an immense amount of battered fish and fried potatoes. The hungry foreigners did their best to consume all the food, but it simply could not be done. So Jester Stu through some to the seagulls and the eels.

After lunch, the Golden Chariot continued up the coast where giant sea creatures were seen. Jester Stu called these animals seals and stops were made to capture their images using photographic machines. Capable Captain Denis then led the Chariot through some hills that required many turns. These were taken at such a speed that many of the foreign passengers were left dizzy. As such, all were glad when they finally reached the northern town of Blenheim.

In Blenheim, the Chariot was met by a group of magnanimous Tablers and their wives. They had agreed to watch over the strangers for the next two nights. That evening the generous hosts took the valiant Tablers and alluring Princesses to a spot known as “Giorgio’s”. This place was legendary for serving profuse amounts of alcohol and pizza. The courageous foreigners entered in and immediately began to fight a fierce battle with the fast flowing alcohol.

As the night progressed, much alcohol was consumed until finally people had to start going home. However, the fearless Tablers - Deepu, Prathap, Kishore and Ken, along with the lavishly beautiful Karen, followed Jester Stu to a bar called Paddy Barry’s. Here they continued their attempt at drinking up all of the alcohol in New Zealand. After much drink, the dancing began. This fanatical group boogied the night away, finally going to bed sometime in the morning.

But as they slept, they dreamt about the fun had on the bus that day. Such as when Guy-Bernard sang a song about whisky and women and which men need more. This was followed by a song by Deepu, which apparently meant nothing, but was very fast. The sleepers also remembered the many wearers of the toilet seat that were Deepu, Andreas, Jester Stu, Prathap, and then Deepu again.

The skies were still dark when on this, the fourth day of the Grand Tour, the adventurous explorers arose from their beds and boarded the Golden Chariot. Captain Denis was still at the helm, and he skillfully drove them to Picton. There the talented Tablers and beloved Ladies climbed onto a large water-horse. King William made sure everyone made it onto this fierce creature. Today Sheriff Ken who placed 14 dollars in fines, the Royal Scribe Shyla, and Barkeeper Prathap who was only able to sell a miserly three drinks supported the King.

The fair maiden Karen was charged with the care of the fairy cow Freda. But today, instead of joining the group, Freda remained on the Chariot reading a book. Then later she went around the clubs of Blenheim on her own. What a cheeky cow!

The exploring foreigners did not mind though, they were too busy enjoying themselves to worry about Freda. The water-horse took the bold Tablers and darling Princesses to a majestic part of New Zealand called the Queen Charlotte Sound. At the far end of a track that traverses the sound, the wild water-horse spit out six of the most energetic Tablers and Princesses - Ken, Dan, Guy-Bernard, Andreas, William, and Annick. Along with them went two local guides Dion and Warren. This hearty group tackled a steep mountain as they tramped fourteen kilometers looking for any sign of the dreaded drink alcohol.

The rest of the enthusiastic foreigners - Deepu, Prathap, Kishore, Karen, and Shyla, disembarked from the water-horse at a different bay. However, Jester Stu and a Blenheim local Barry followed them ashore. This group walked a massive SEVENTY kilometers. Even with this incredible distance to traverse, this horde was first in reaching Furneaux Lodge. Rumour had it that this bar served vast quantities of the evil alcohol drink. Sure enough the righteous Tablers and gorgeous Ladies found alcohol on offer:

As such, several rounds of beer were ordered and drank by the time the second group arrived. This bunch had spent the entire day chasing behind Guy-Bernard who had kept up a frenetic pace in his quest to find alcohol. Now the members of this upright gang were very thirsty, but alas, time was short as too soon the water-horse arrived. It carried the entire group back to the town of Picton.

There they were met by Captain Denis, who had crazily parked the Golden Chariot next to an Iron Horse. This mythical creature fascinated Guy-Bernard. He extensively studied the Iron Horse, which earned him the toilet seat from Prathap who had worn it that morning.

Back in Blenheim, the dutiful hosts took the brave Tablers and engaging Princesses to an event hosted by the Marlborough Historic Society. There they all saw a house that the local Tablers had magically moved from one part of town to the other. All were amazed by the Tablers magical abilities and the Marlborough Historic Society was so pleased by the house’s move that they threw a splendid celebration in the Blenheim Table honour. Wild animals were barbecued and several salads were served. The Historic Society also asked the distinguished foreigners to do their best to drink up all the evil alcohol that was around.

In his efforts to battle the horrible substance, King William removed his crown. A wee gremlin quickly took the crown and hid it away as gremlins do with anything shiny. Poor King William searched and searched but his crown could not be found. After much time though, it suddenly appeared under the hat of Sheriff Ken. Oh that gremlin.

After this was sorted the attentive Tablers and divine Damsels went to look at various vintage cars and a large Iron Horse. Once again, Guy-Bernard was ensnared by this creature. He spent a very long time examining the machine and taking many photographic images. The sun had set by the time Guy-Bernard left the Iron Horse and returned to the party.

The Marlborough Historic Society then decided the foolish foreigners needed to go to school. As such, they took the troupe to an old-fashioned schoolhouse. Luckily while there, everyone behaved so nobody was caned. However, the clever Tablers and affable Princesses soon realized that there was none of the evil drink in the schoolhouse. So quite quickly everyone left.

There was some confusion as to where each member of the group had gone. So Jester Stu virtuously spent many hours checking each bar in Blenheim. He wanted to make sure that no one was battling the dreaded alcohol drink alone. How noble of him!

This day the Grand Tour began in a field of grapes. There local Blenheim Master Graeme and Mistress Naomi Brown, who themselves had battled the evil alcohol on a tour of Scotland at one time, explained to the curious foreigners how purple and green orbs are turned into the dreaded drink wine. All were interested and tasted the small grapes. But they did agree the unfermented orbs where not nearly as tasty as a glass of Chardonnay. As such; they decided to continue to battle the bottles of alcohol and not fight with the grapes.

In response to the lecture in the field, King Guy-Bernard thanked the Blenheim Master. This was Guy’s first official duty of the day. Today’s Royal Court included Sheriff Dan who imposed 14 dollars in fines, Scribe Shyla who continued to write the story of the Grand Tour, and Barkeeper Prathap who redeemed himself after his dismal performance the previous day. Today he managed to sell a respectable 28 drinks.

The final member of the Royal Court was Kishore who was responsible for protecting the fairy cow Freda. However, within minutes of entering the dark land of Rabbit Island in Nelson an awful apparition appeared. It was the Wicked Witch of the West - known by all throughout the land as Witch Rosemary. In a flash, Witch Rosemary grabbed Freda. Kishore tried to persuade the Witch to release the poor fairy cow, but Witch Rosemary refused to let Freda out of her clutches. And soon she and Freda disappeared.

Although saddened at the loss of the dear fairy cow, the dedicated foreigners remained on Rabbit Island. The local Tablers had prepared a barbecue in the sun. So all enjoyed sitting outside and taking in the fresh air. And while at the barbie, the courageous visitors worked along side the well-practiced locals to help rid Rabbit Island of all its alcohol.

Much was drunk, when late in the afternoon, the local hosts asked the intrepid tourists to help them shear some wooly beasts. After watching a demonstration that was rather bloodier than anticipated, Dan was the first fearless Tabler to have a go. In no time at all, he had given a sheep a clean shave. Deepu, William and Ken then took turns at shearing the wooly animals.

Kishore would have helped, but he was too busy since in the shearing shed he found the Wicked Witch. She was there with the beloved Freda. So Kishore challenged the Witch Rosemary and soon a fierce battle followed. In the end, Kishore was victorious and he reclaimed possession of the little fairy cow.

At this point, Prathap was in possession of the coveted toilet seat. Although, earlier in the day, it had been worn by Karen, William, Deepu and even Jester Stu. Also earlier in the day, a dreadful bottle of alcohol had magically appeared on the Golden Chariot. The steadfast Tablers and glamorous Ladies created a plan to battle the horrible bottle. Each person had taken a number and zany Captain Denis had put numbers on one of the chariot’s tyres. Each time the chariot stopped, the passenger with the number at the top of the tyre valiantly took a shot from the bottle. Thus far this day drinks had been taken by Andreas, Dan, Kishore, William, Andreas again, Prathap, Guy-Bernard, Andreas yet a third time, and a final to shots by Deepu.

That night, the local Tapawera Tablers escorted the faithful foreigners to Helvitia’s Bar. There one of the sheared wooly beasts was roasting on a spit. As the animal cooked, the brave Tablers and lovely ladies fulfilled their duties by ordering many rounds of beer and wine. But as vivacious Princess Shyla sipped her wine, a ferocious hobgoblin named Rodger suddenly appeared. It grabbed the fair maiden and began to carry her away. However, the princess screamed quite loudly until the goblin finally dropped her and retreated from the group.

Calm had just returned when the Wicked Witch Rosemary arrived. Once again, this crafty creature grabbed Freda and held the poor fairy cow in her clutches. Freda was quite scared and the travelers were very disheartened. So they all had another drink as they fretted about the loss of little Freda. Luckily, a wee sprite named Karlie came onto the scene. She charmed the Witch into giving here the fairy cow. As soon as Karlie got Freda, she ran to Kishore and returned the stuffed animal to him. Kind Kishore had missed the fairy cow very much and was overjoyed to once again be able to cuddle Freda.

The night progressed with a speech by King Guy-Bernard, who gave a toast in THREE different languages. Local leader, Lord Robert of Nelson, responded as best he could but he only spoke one language. So he talked in New Zealand English, which many of those present thought was a foreign language.

While the group drank, a mysterious transformation occurred. With every sip of alcohol, the Wicked Witch of the West became nicer and nicer. Soon all of the wandering Tablers and darling Damsels liked Rosemary. It was then that Rosemary revealed she was not normally a wicked witch, but instead a good witch that helped all she came in contact with. Enough had been drunk by this point, so the trusting Travelers actually believed her. And when Rosemary left that fine evening everyone cheered and wished her well.

Soon most of the travel-worn foreigners also made their way home. But a few discovered that the bar still had bottles of white wine. With the assistance of local Tablers Wayne & Robert, several brave outsiders stayed and drank. Among those partaking of the white wine were Dan, Deepu, and Kishore. It was not only men however, two bodacious blondes - Rita and Shyla pledged an allegiance to be wine buddies and therefore drank until late into the night.

On the sixth day of the tour, the group of amicable foreigners was ruled over by the Maharaja Deepu. The Maharaja set out specific rules including: 1)No staring into the eyes of the Maharaja,
2)All women holding a purple lotus flower may drink for free,
3)All greetings must be made by saying namaskarme (no handshakes or cheek kissing allowed), And last, but most definitely the most important law
4)For Kishore, no premarital sex with Freda!

To inforce the rules, Maharaja Deepu had Sherrif Andreas, who levied twenty dollars in fines. There was also Babysitter Rosemary, who was assigned the care of Freda after her transformation the night before from the Wicked Witch to a good witch. The Scribe was once again the beautiful Lady Shyla.

The Barkeeper was the amazing Kishore who sold an outstanding 95 drinks over the course of the day. The fair maiden Karen, who managed to beat Jester Stu to the first drink of the day, began the drinking at half seven in the morning. Then, of course, the many Tapawera Tablers and Princesses that joined the fearless foreigners on the Golden Chariot boosted the number of drinks consumed during the day. The Tapawerians were quite noble in their drinking efforts and impressed all. Although two of the Tapawera Ladies, Deborah and Rita, were required to wear the toilet seat for being late on this fine day.

The Tapawerians also bravely offered to take shots of the dreaded alcohol alongside the courageous visitors. As such, each Tapawera Tabler and Lady was given a number coinsiding to those on the tyre. Today shots of homemade sambuco were taken by Shyla (well, her number came up but her gallant husband Dan stepped forward and took the drink in her place), Dan (this time when his own number came up), William (who took one for his number and one for his beautiful wife Annick), and from Tapawera - Rodger, Jason and Rosemary (although, she shared her drink with the fairy cow Freda).

This morning Captain Denis drove the Golden Chariot up a steep and windy road. At the top, the group stopped to investigate the Ngarua Caves on Marble Mountain. The interested travelers entered the caves and soon found themselves surrounded by stalagmites and stalactites. Many photograps were made of these features and of the bones of a Mao bird that had long ago died in the cave.

When all had re-boarded the Chariot, Denis directed it to the Anatoki Salmon Farm. There the hungry Tablers and pretty Ladies found several ponds filled with silvery sea monsters. Many of these monsters were caught, some even by the beautiful Princesses, but they did not kill them, as lovely Ladies are not required to kill.

As the sea monsters were smoked, the good-natured wanderers and the Tapawera troop went to the Bencari Farm. There many goats, sheeps and pigs were fed. A few also feed a llama, who in thanks spat at members of the group. Some people also went off to feed the eels while others began the battle with the dreaded drink and more specifically Macs Beer.

Many bottles of Macs were emptied, when finally the smoked fish arrived. The salmon monsters were delicious and all ate their fill. Then everyone marveled at Prathap who just kept eating. He had caught several sea creatures and now worked slowly and meticulously but he eventually succeeded at eating them all.

Running short on time, everyone raced back to the Chariot that now took the group to the Waikoro Pu Pu Springs. Renowned for its crystal clean water, the dutiful travelers enjoyed walking along the Pu Pu. But since time was still short, the stop at Pu Pu was brief. Then the Chariot was off yet again. In an attempt to make up time, Captain Denis decided to take a short cut on the way to Kaiteriteri beach.

But at the top of Sandy Bay Road, a dreaded ogre suddenly appeared. The ogre grabbed the Chariot and gave it a mighty shake. Captain Denis had to use all of his driving skills to free the Chariot from the claws of the fierce ogre. He succeeded, but the Chariot was left with scars on its side. All of the passengers were pleased to be uninjured and were still able to enjoy the late afternoon sun at Kaiteriteri beach. Lady Karen and Lady Rita even treated themselves to a paddle in the blue water.

Soon the brave group was off to the grand palace of Lord David and Lady Zelda. All had been told that at this palace in Motueka there would be a group of “wasted knights”. Although no one was certain if this meant the fearless Tablers or the local Rugby players. Still, a fine meal was had and large amounts of the dreaded drink was drunk. The visiting Tablers would have continued battling the alcohol all night long, but alas Captain Denis announced that he had to put the Golden Chariot to bed.

But before the party ended, Maharja Deepu thanked the saintly hosts. While he was doing this, the Witch Rosemary, who was very upset that Freda had once again been taken from her, decided she wanted another fairy cow. Rosemary had tricked all into thinking she was good, but in fact she always was the Wicked Witch of the West. Freda lived with Jester Stu, so Witch Rosemary decided to attack here. She ensnared poor Jester Stu so that he could not continue the trip with the terrific travelers. When the group realized this all were saddened for Jester Stu had brought much fun to the tour thus far.

Unsure what to do without the Jester, the foreigners summoned the Lord of Christchurch, Graeme, so he could lead them onwards in their attempt to rid New Zealand of its alcohol.

Graeme, the Lord of Christchurch, arrived early on the seventh day, to find the group led by one of the very beautiful ladies - Queen Karen. The other two lovely princesses - Scribe Shyla and Barlady Annick, who sold 37 drinks, assisted her. Also, the adorable Annick provided the entire group with shots of a special bottle of fortified wine. Additional shots were given when the Chariot stopped at the numbers for Deepu, Dan and Prathap. Babysitter Guy-Bernard and Sherrif William who placed 10 dollars in fines held the other royal positions.

This morning the toilet seat was given to Deepu who had forgotten his red cloak at the home of his host. Later in the day the twin-headed creature of Ken and Andreas earned the seat when they boarded the Chariot at exactly the same moment. Deepu soon though reclaimed it, but then it was finally presented in the evening to Lord Graeme himself.

The majority of this day was spent riding the Golden Chariot. The group started early in the morning when they met at the birthplace of Rutherford - the man who first split the atom. Captain Denis then drove the Chariot many hours to Shantytown. There the evil mechanoid dinner ladies worked very slowly. They were so slow in fact, that when the iron horse arrived many of the group had yet to receive their lunch. This did not stop Guy-Bernard though. He simply ran out and jumped on the iron horse - taking many photographs as he went.

A few others also managed to board the iron horse. But all were surprised at how short a distance the beast traversed. Still, many many pictures were made. And Queen Karen got to “toot” the horse’ whistle.

All of the impoverished travelers were very exited when they learned there was gold in Shantytown. They quickly grabbed pans and began to look for the golden rock. The resident miner told the group that each pan already had an allotment of gold in it. So no matter what, the foreigners should not dump it out. Nevertheless, Andreas thought his pan looked dirty, so he immediately tipped it over and cleaned it. Only then did he realize that all of his gold was lost. Luckily, the miner was generous and gave Andreas another pan.

The now rich Tablers and Ladies returned to the Chariot to discover it had magically transformed to a boat floating through the backwaters of Kerala in India. There were men wearing Kurdu and Mundu outfits. There were also men singing songs about coconut water. The interested travelers learned much about Kerala, India, and Round Table there.

But alas, the Chariot turned back into a bus as the group arrived at Franz Joseph. There the group stayed at the Top 10 Caravan Park. After checking the group in, Lord Graeme summoned a select group of Tablers and one Princess to come to the palace room of Prathap. In room number two, they began the nightly battle with the dreaded alcohol.

The battle continued at a hotel in Franz Joseph where many rounds of beer and several bottles of wine were consumed. Once back at the caravan park, all were invited to the grand palace room number two. This room, as the Chariot had done, had magically transformed into a bit of India. Therefore, the Indian Tablers - Prathap, Deepu and Kishore, graciously served copious amounts of the demon drink. By midnight only five of the steadfast Tablers remained and they resolved to empty the bottle of whisky regardless of the personal pain.

For this, the eighth day of the tour, all of the late night Indian drinkers held royal posts. Prathap proudly took up the position of King, while Deepu was Babysitter and Kishore was Sheriff. They were assisted by two beautiful Princesses - Karen as Barlady and Shyla as Scribe.

Today, the first order of business was to journey to the Franz Joseph Glacier. The views were stunning and many photographs were made. The gregarious Tablers and darling Damsels enjoyed the morning walk in the clear cool air. When all were back on the Golden Chariot, Captain Denis directed the vessel to Lake Matheson. There a delicious breakfast was partaken as the group sat in the sun admiring Mt Cook.

With bellies filled, the wandering group walked the short distance to Lake Matheson. Once again, many photographs were made. However, the clicking cameras awoke the mysterious Lady of the Lake, who began to watch the visitors. As the group returned to the Chariot, unfortunately, they were divided when Kishore stopped to take just one more photo. The Lady of the Lake took special interest of this exotic foreigner who was now alone on the path.

Legend has it, a Maori Princess fell into Lake Matheson hundreds of years ago. Unable to swim, she sank to the bottom and was trapped. She has lived in the lake ever since. And when she sees a lone man she leads him to the lake edge where she grabs him and takes him for her own. Kishore, unaware of this Maori Lake Princess, was not worried and allowed himself to be mesmerized by the beauty around him. This caused him to miss the trail and become horribly lost - just as the Maori intended. Luckily though, just before the Lady of the Lake could capture poor Kishore, several of his faithful friends returned to the lake and found him. Kishore was saved, and all rejoiced. To thank the Tablers for saving him, Kishore bought the entire group a round of beers. This pleased everyone and soon many more beers were served.

This day consisted of a very long drive in which there was plenty of time to fight the dreaded drink on the Golden Chariot. However, in the afternoon, once again the Chariot magically transformed. This time it became a Scottish Pub. This occurred when the noble Ken and the gorgeous Karen produced a bottle of drambuie. They also provided all with tartan hats that magically turned everybody’s hair red, including crazy Captain Denis.

The afternoon was spent “Scottish style”, which means everyone drank a lot. Even the little Fairy Cow Freda had a few shots of drambuie. This got her going and Freda wanted to dance so a ceilidh was arranged. The ungainly Tablers and lovely ladies danced a Dashing White Sergeant as best they could, which was not very good at all. Still it was fun and all enjoyed the drive.

The tartan army eventually reached Clyde. There the local 41 Club met them. The 41ers were desperate to rid the town of alcohol. So they quickly whisked all the courageous visitors off to different homes. At each much alcohol was served and the fellowship was appreciated with some groups staying up until very late indeed.

Since the previous night the fearless foreigners had battled the evil alcohol at separate locations, there had been no meeting to change royal officers. As such, Prathap remained King, Kishore stayed the Sherrif (and he levied ten dollars in fines for the two days plus he auctioned off a green jumper for $2.60), Karen was Barlady (selling a total of 31 drinks in the two days), Shyla remained the Scribe (even though she was starting to think that if there had been an election she still would not have changed positions), and Deepu continued to baby-sit Freda (his holding Freda on a street in Alexander brought forth curious looks from some of the local towns people).

The ninth day of the tour began with a beautiful clear morning in Clyde. The road-weary foreigners greatly appreciated this and so they did not embark on the Golden Chariot until 10 o’clock in the morning. A very civilized time indeed! Feeling refreshed from the extra sleep, the traveling Tablers and keen Ladies greatly enjoyed seeing the sights of Clyde and Alexandra in the Central Otago area of New Zealand. The wise Wizard Bill made the tour especially nice. He kept a constant commentary going on the sights, sounds and smells of that region.

Wizard Bill told the intrigued group about the gold taken from the river in the 1800s. The gold was worth more than one million dollars in current currencies. Wizard Bill then had everyone smell thyme and he explained how this plant and reproducing rabbits are a blight to farmers. Next, Wizard Bill showed the group the largest clock in the Southern Hemisphere. It magically hovers over the city of Alexandra and at night it glows in the sky. Wizard Bill then directed Captain Denis to take the Chariot past a large dam on the Clutha River. The energetic foreigners took many photographs of this engineering wonder.

The now hungry group continued on to Cromwell for a spot of lunch. They then went to “The Big Picture”. At this wine adventure exhibition, the trusting travelers smelled many different containers in the aroma room. Some were nice, such as strawberries and tyme, but others were less than pleasant, such as shoe leather and horse. The group then entered what they thought was a room, but once inside it transformed into a helicopter. The brave band was flown around the region stopping at six different wineries. At each they were expected to study the dreaded drink before finally tasting and destroying the glasses of Pinot Noir that were served. It was a vicious battle, but the fabled foreigners fought a good fight and soon they were returned to solid ground.

It had been a good tour, but suspiciously throughout the day many items had disappeared. No one had seen the Ghost of the local Gold Miner, but all believed he must be on the bus taking the various items. Missing were the King’s crown, the Sheriff’s hat, and Williams beloved green jumper. Many searches were made but these the Ghost nor these items could be found.

That night the bold Tablers and spirited Princesses met at the home of Wizard Bill and his wife Anne in the town of Clyde. Lords and Ladies from the 41 Club accompanied them. All of the generous hosts brought plates overladden with delicious foods.

The desperate hosts also brought many bottles of the evil substance alcohol that they wanted to be rid of. Once again the heroic Tablers and lovely Ladies consumed much and did their part to drink Clyde dry. Finally, Lord Gary of Clyde, who was duly impressed by the foreigner’s efforts to drink everything in site, proclaimed that the daring visitors must have a magical elixir that kept them all young and let them drink so much.

Not wanting to reveal their secrets, Tabler Andreas, who is a grand maven from Germany, decided to distract the local Lords. As such, he produced an enchantment stick that he called the “Hui Machine”. Only the maven Andreas could make the propeller on the stick spin. Many people tried that night, but all failed. Even when standing on one foot and shouting weeee, weeee… none but Andreas could make the propeller turn.

Just before the night’s amusements ended, the Gold Mining Ghost retuned the missing items. This pleased all, especially William who once again had his green jumper.

All were pleased when, for the second day in a row, everyone was allowed to sleep in. It was a dine way to start the reign of King Dan who ruled for the next three days. Also, members of the royal court for the next three days were Barkeeper Andreas, Baby Sitter William, and the never-ending posting of Scribe to Shyla.

Guy-Bernard was sheriff for this, the tent day of the tour. He levied eight dollars in fines plus he brought a small magical bottle of pure spirit from which he made several of the travellers drink. However, that was late in the day, for now the story is still at Wizard Bill’s home in Clyde.

It was at this home that the Golden Chariot awaited for all. But before boarding the fearless Tablers were amazed by Wizard Bill’s ancient motorcycle. An American Indian bike - many of the foreign Tablers climbed aboard. The amazingly beautiful princesses were not nearly as interested but they did acknowledge that boys will be boys and they do like their toys.

The Chariot finally headed off to Queenstown on rumour that there was much of the dreaded alcohol drink there. On the way, the fearless foreigners beheld a beautiful river. They marvelled at its blue colour and many photographs were made. The group marvelled even more though, when soon they saw a magical bridge hovering over this river.

They soon learned that to keep the bridge from flying away, people had to jump from it to the river below with golden cords attached to their ankles. Upon hearing this, Tabler William bravely strode onto the bridge and prepared to jump. The rest of the trembling foreigners watched in awe as William dove from the bridge.

Just behind him, the brave Tabler Kishore also volunteered to jump. The golden cords were attached and Kishore too dove off the Kawarau Bridge. He jumped so far that he even went into the river below. This earned an extra loud cheer from all who watched.

It now appeared that no one else from the group would follow suit and jump. But after much thought, Lady Shyla finally summoned all her courage and prepared to jump. It took much preparation, but finally the golden cords were attached to everyone’s satisfaction. Lady Shyla then made her way to the edge where instead of diving, she flung herself backwards off the bridge.

Many photographs and videos were made of the three bungy heroes, who continued to talk about their exploits for the rest of the day.

Captain Dennis next directed the Golden Chariot to the wee village of Arrowtown. There were little shops and cafes, and a nice green park. The foreigners split up for lunch. One group bravely bought many beers from Macs brewery and then gathered in the park to rid the area of these bottles filled with the dreaded drink.

From there, the group entered middle earth. Rugged hills and pristine lakes surrounded them. The amazed foreigners soon learned why the Remarkables are called remarkable. Here we checked into the Blue Peaks Lodge. The first night here, the American King Dan had all the foreigners meet in his suite. American snacks of chips, salsa, and guacamole were served.

All of the noble Tablers then exchanged banners from their own towns. Ken, Past President of Round Table United Kingdom, told all of the history of Round Table. He then auctioned off a special license plate from his presidential chariot of years gone by. Deepu purchased it for the large sum of eighty dollars.

King Dan then gave a battle cry and all went into Queenstown to battle the alcohol of Middle Earth. A restaurant was found that had giant beers. A round was ordered and a fierce fight pursued. The foreigners killed off many beers and bottles of wine as they enjoyed a seafood feast. Several people tried the magical green-lipped mussels - a delicacy found only in Middle Earth New Zealand.

The brave Tablers and beautiful princesses drank so much that they finally won the battle. They left in search of more dreaded drink. It did not take long to find it as Middle Earth was loaded with bars. As such, many of the brave foreigners fought the good fight till the wee hours of the morning. They even discovered a new star constellation in the Middle Earth sky and gave it the name of “Gondola constellation”.

The same Royal Court led over an early start on this the eleventh day of the tour. This morning the group was taken to the very heart of Middle Earth - Glenorchy. There all of the adventurous foreigners embarked on a jet beast to travel down the Dart River. There mission being, of course, to make sure there was no trace of the dreaded drink in those parts.

Just after boarding though, the Tablers and lovely Ladies discovered the driver was really a crazed Ork in disguise. Everyone had to hold on tight and time and time again the Ork raised his hand to instruct the jet beast to spin and spin while the foreigners were drenched with spray. Some said that this was fun, while other just hoped to stay alive.

Finally the Ork’s beast was spent and the dizzy foreigners found their feet on dry land. NO sooner had they set foot on dry land when yet another Ork in disguise entranced the trusting Tablers and beautiful Princesses into the deep dark forest. There they saw many magical trees, including the wise Treebeard who starred in Lord of the Rings. Many asked for autographs, but Treebeard was tired and pretended to just be a tree.

The Ork then pointed the trusting group to a large old tree. He encouraged a few of the noble Tablers to look inside. But when they did, the tree swallowed them whole! The rest of the group watched in total amazement as one, two, three, four Tablers disappeared into the magical tree. The magical tree, upon discovering that the true nature and mission of the travelers was to rid the land of the dreaded alcohol drink, decided they were worthy and spit the foursome out and bid them a good journey.

But the Ork had one more surprise in store, as he took the group to one magical spot that was actually the entire world. From this spot the amazed visitors could see Canada, Switzerland, Nepal, India and even Pakistan. The Ork finally took the fantastic foreigners back to Queenstown. There they split up. Some went to sleep, some walked around town, and some journeyed up a big hill. Those that went up the hill sat in luges and raced back down.

This group was all energized when once again everyone met up in the room of King Dan. Again a battle cry was made and the courageous foreigners headed into town. This time they all went to the Golden Elephant. There, large portions of Thai food were served including a very spicy bowl of Tom Yam soup. While eating, the fearless Tablers and pretty princesses ordered many bottles of wine. They battled long and hard against the dreaded drink. Once again they were victorious, so everyone left the Golden Elephant pleased with their efforts.

The night was not over though, as soon the brave foreigners found themselves fighting with the dreaded alcohol drink at bars all over Queenstown. Once again, the more seasoned travelers battled late into the night.

There were no official functions scheduled for the twelfth day of the tour. As such, all of the travelers went in different directions. Some went shopping. Others went walking. And a few caught up on their sleep. Whatever they did, all appreciated the golden sun and warm weather.

At six o’clock, all gathered once again in the room of King Dan. There, they reported on their day and shared photographs. Sheriff Karen levied eight dollars in fines while Andreas announced that he had sold 11 drinks over two days. William who had been Freda’s babysitter while in Queenstown announced that she was tucked under the covers in his bed. This worried some, but the kind Annick swore it was innocent.

Ken then declared that Scottish rules were in force - no one could leave the room until all the drink was drunk. After this proclamation, the valiant Tablers and darling damsels fought a fierce battle with the numerous beers and wines that were there.

Once the alcohol was defeated, the group journeyed into town. Tonight they went to Whinnies, a famed pizza bar, where many pizzas were served including a Mexican, a seafood, a Luigi’s Italian, and a chicken one. While the pizzas were consumed, the fabled foreigners also partook of many beers and bottles of wine, and whisky. This soon loosened up the legs of the fun foreigners and they jumped up and began to dance.

The more that was drank, the more they danced. The group danced so much that it blew open the ceiling of the restaurant. Even this did not stop the group though as they danced all night long.

For the thirteenth day of the tour, the talkative Tablers and sweet Princesses had an early start and a long drive. King Ken ruled the Celtic Coach, as this was Saint Patrick’s Day. Barkeeper Dan insisted all wear green and drink Baileys. He also stocked the bar with Guinness and sold 31 beers throughout the day. The rest of the members of the Royal Court were Sheriff Prathap, Scribe Shyla and Baby-sitter William. William was repeating the duty of watching the fairy cow Freda because when he was in Queenstown he never let the poor mascot out of his room. Even today, it was questionable as to how much William loved Freda since he did not take her on the Milford Sound cruise. There was no doubt that Kishore loved her more.

After a long and windy drive, that included a stop at the pristine Mirror Lakes, the harmonious travelers arrived at Milford Sound. There they embarked onto a large red water horse. The beast sailed out into the sound (which is actually a fjord.) The entire group was in awe of the serene surroundings, which included waterfalls, fur seals, and many beautiful hills. One of thee hills looked like a giant elephant, but luckily it was sleeping. At one point, the water horse got very close to land and the group was sprayed with water.

When the water horse returned the wind-blown foreigners to dry land, they yet again boarded the Golden Chariot. Captain Denis directed the Chariot back up the narrow winding hill. He did stop at The Chasm so the energetic wanderers could go for a wee walk. Near the top of the hill, their magically appeared a long dark tunnel. Fearlessly, Denis took the Chariot through the Homer Tunnel and the group was all pleased when they came out at the other side of the mountain. There another stop was made so photographs could be made of the tunnel as well as the snow-capped hills that were all around.

Captain Denis then raced the Chariot along to Te Anau. There they checked into the Fiordland National Park Lodge. Everyone was pleasantly surprised to discover a former member of Round Table in Oamaru - the honorable Tom McPhee, managed this hotel.

The hungry visitors dropped off their bags, then headed into the town of Te Anau. There they decided to eat at the establishment knows as The Fat Duck. The food was delicious and everyone looked on in awe when the luscious Lady Karen was served dessert - a plate loaded with four kinds of ice-cream!

When the valiant Tablers and adorable Damsels arrived at The Fat Duck, they discovered it was “Happy Hour”. As such the alcohol was flowing and a great battle pursued. When this happy hour ended, the group moved across the street where another happy hour had begun at The Ranch. Here, the fight with the dreaded drink was so intense that everyone nearly missed the chariot taking them back to the Fiordland Lodge. Luckily though, the fearless travelers just made it before the Golden Chariot disappeared. Back at the Lodge, additional bottles of alcohol were opened and more drinking followed. And once again, incredible Andreas amazed all with his magical hui machine.

On this, the fourteenth day of the tour, the amicable adventurers spent the morning aboard the Golden Chariot. Today, the King remained Ken, the Barkeep continued to be Dan, and the forever writing Scribe was Shyla. Prathap also stayed the Sheriff since the day before no fines were placed. Today he placed seven penalties against the official members of the group. He then fined one of the Balclutha Tablers. These Tablers then started “buying the pot” and placing their own fines against each other. In total $28 was earned.

The one position on the Royal Court that changed on this day was the post of Baby-sitter. That honor was passed along to Andreas. However, he lost the Fairy Creature Freda to the Balclutha Tablers. They held poor Freda hostage and Andreas had to pay a ransom of $5 to see her safely returned.

When the group started traveling today, the Golden Chariot magically turned into a Swiss Funicular. This happened as everyone sang Happy Birthday to Guy-Bernard. Guy-Bernard spent the day singing and telling the group stories about his home country of Switzerland. He also made sure all the brave Tablers and beautiful Ladies spent the day battling the demon drink. Guy-Bernard did this by providing several bottles of white wine as well as a very powerful bottle of Williamine spirit.

The Swiss Funicular took the eager travelers to the wee town of Gore. There the local Tablers showed all a museum set up just to document the rise and fall of the awful drink alcohol in Gore. The group learned that the wicked Scots were to blame for the arrival of whisky in New Zealand. As punishment, the Scots on the tour, as well as all the other visitors were forced to do several shots of the horrible Hokonui moonshine.

The Gore Tablers finally decided enough of the moonshine had been drunk, so they escorted the tipsy travelers to an Art Museum and then on to the Round Table Clubhouse. It was there that Kishore realized his camera had disappeared. He raced back to the café where he had eaten lunch, but it was locked up for the day. Nevertheless, helpful Gore residents called around and eventually Kishore gained entrance and reclaimed his camera.

The gallivanting group then re-boarded the Swiss Funicular to continue the trip to Balclutha. There the local Tablers took the courageous foreigners to the Town-n-Country Club where there was an excessive amount of alcohol around. Birthday boy, Guy-Bernard, however, had not thought there would be enough alcohol. So he soon was giving everyone shots of abricotine spirit (43%) and abricotine liquor (28%). When those bottles were finished, he produced bottles of Williamine spirit and liquor and the drinking continued.

While Guy-Bernard passed around the shots, the outlandish Balclutha Tablers taught the gullible guests several games. There was one that involved a magical spoon and Deepu’s head. Another one required Annick to identify parts of a fictitious horse while blindfolded. The final game got several people wet as Guy-Bernard and Prathap played water soccer.

The fabulous Balclutha Tablers and Ladies then produced a cake aglow with candles. All combined their voices to sing happy birthday to the ever-smiling Guy-Bernard. He had a very good birthday celebration and all the travelers had a great deal of fun that night in Balclutha.

King Kishore led the group on the fifteenth day of the tour. Assisting him were Scribe Shyla and Baby-sitter Prathap. Deepu served as barkeeper and he sold something like twelve drinks, although he did not keep track so nobody knows for sure. The sharp-shooting Sheriff was the very kind Annick. Through her beautiful eyes, she closely watched the group and eventually levied 24 dollars in fines - with THREE separate penalties being given to Prathap alone.

The first fine of the day went against Lord Graeme who had left his mobile phone in Balclutha. This forced the Golden Chariot to turn around and return to the home where Graeme was staying. Later the Chariot took the energetic foreigners along a windy coastal road to the Albatross Center. There many sea birds were seen, but only one Albatross. Still, this pleased many of the group.

Returning along the same long windy road, Tabler William turned on a mysterious box. This machine soon was blasting out music to which the darling Damsels danced until they arrived in Dunedin. Dunedin is the “Edinburgh of the South.” Here the wonderers split up and explored the city on their own. When back together, the boarded the Golden Chariot for the drive to Oamaru.

The Oamaru Tablers were waiting for the heralded foreigners at the Oamaru clubhouse. This building was filled with the heads of animals. This at first made the noble visitors uneasy, but soon they realized that there was no plan to put their heads up on the walls. Instead, they were served a delicious barbecue dinner and asked to drink as much alcohol as possible.

The brave Tablers and charming Ladies complied until they were told it was time to go to the shore. There they saw an amazingly dramatic sunset, then settled down to see a penguin parade. Little blue penguins come out of the sea in Oamaru. Once on the beach, they climb up the rocks and then settled down for the night in their little penguin homes. The fascinated foreigners saw ELEVEN penguins on that night. The official guide informed the group that blue penguins are not very organized and push a different leader forward every night when it comes time to cross the road to their colony. This made the ELEVEN travelers realize they are very much like penguins. And since Kishore was their leader that day, he was actually King of the Penguins!

Once the penguins had gone to bed, the visitors went home with various members of Oamaru Round Table. Before leaving town, some were shown the interesting white stone buildings of the town. And Guy-Bernard was spotted throughout Oamaru taking photos of just about everything.

The faithful foreigners woke today and prepared for yet another very long drive, on this the sixteenth day of the tour. Today’s leader was Kaiser Andreas of Germany. Baby-sitting the fairy cow was Dan while Shyla continued to serve as Scribe. Sheriff Graeme placed a wimpy six dollars in fines, while Barkeeper William sold many drinks. However, he must have had a few himself, as he did not keep track of how many he sold.

Today crazy Captain Denis directed the Golden Chariot to take the longest route possible to go from Oamaru to Timaru. As such the group went inland where many beautiful sites were revealed to them. They saw Maori cliff drawings, a huge dam (plus three other smaller ones), and the mesmerizing blue waters of Lake Pukaki.

At some point, the Chariot once again transformed. This time it became a German ferry traveling down the Rhine River. It was then the Kaiser Andreas told the gregarious group about Germany and Round Table there.

Captain Denis stopped the Chariot at Lake Tekapo for lunch. Although the lake was in New Zealand, the imaginative Tablers and darling Ladies decided to have Japanese food for lunch. Bowls of miso soup were served. Followed by bento boxes and plates of sushi. Everyone was enjoying the food until Guy-Bernard decided to try all of the green paste on his plate. The wasabi lit his mouth on fire and brought tears to his eyes. However, he found the wondrous substance addictive and soon asked for an entire bowl of it. Watching him eat the bowl of wasabi brought tears to the eyes of the rest of the group as they laughed so hard.

Lunch over, the amused wanderers decided to go for a walk. The daring Lady Karen paddled in the water, while others explored an old church with an amazing view of the lake. The travelers also discovered a statue of a dog and many photos were made.

When all of the happy foreigners were back on the Chariot, Captain Denis directed it to Timaru. Once there though, the notorious bandit leader of Timaru - Stu Jackson, boarded the Chariot. Bandit Stu had spent years stealing alcohol from all over New Zealand. His daring raids and ability to drink vast amounts of the dreaded drink had gotten him elected bandit leader of not just Timaru, but all of New Zealand. At first the gung-ho group was frightened by this infamous leader, but soon they realized that he too just wanted the fabled Tablers and beautiful Princesses to drink up as much excess alcohol as possible.

Once this was determined, Bandit Stu told the interested travelers about Timaru and showed them a few sites. The Chariot then took the group to Peter’s Majestic Backpackers Palace. All were amazed by the lavish rooms and the grandness of the space. And the single visitors were especially glad that Guy-Bernard could have his own room, so for once, no one would have to listen to his snoring. Although this did mean that Tabler William and Adorable Annick did get to listen to his singing.

Soon not just members from one but from TWO Timaru Tables gathered at Peter’s Palace. They brought with them bottles of beer so the battle with alcohol started immediately. Soon the entire group of foreign Knights, local Bandits, and stunningly beautiful Ladies made their way to a hotel. The travelers learned that in the basement was a room dedicated to the fight with wine and that one of the Tables regularly met there to do their part in drinking as much as possible.

At the hotel all enjoyed a delicious dinner. There were also speeches from the Bandits and from the group’s own Kaiser Andreas. And of course the battle with the dreaded drink raged on. The fight continued as all adjourned to the side bar. There Kaiser Andreas once again produced his magical hui machine. By now he had revealed the secret to his long-traveling comrades; however the local Bandits did not know the trick. As such the gregarious group had a good laugh as many Bandits stood on one foot shouting weeeeee.

When everyone left the hotel, some went back to Peter’s Palace while others headed deeper into town. They knew their days in New Zealand were now short and they wanted to do their part to drink all the excess alcohol they could. Once again this hearty bunch stayed out until the early hours of the morning. And even when they did return home they continued to party; but luckily the Palace was so large that this did not disturb their sleeping friends upstairs.

The Seventeenth day of the tour would be the last on the Golden Chariot. On this day, all got up in time to enjoy a wonderfully huge breakfast at Peter’s Palace. Many local Bandits came by to help prepare the meal and everyone in the group enjoyed the morning conversations.

This was also the day for our final office postings. Today’s Royal Court consisted of King Deepu, a wise yet humorous leader; Baby-sitter Ken, a noble watcher of the wee fairy cow Freda; Sheriff William, who levied his fines the next night at the farewell party; Barkeeper Guy-Bernard, who sold 18 drinks on the final journey of the Chariot; and of course, Scribe Shyla, who held the post every day of the tour despite her pleadings for someone else to be elected.

This Royal Court bravely let the faithful foreigners onto the Chariot after the big breakfast in Timaru. At this point eccentric Captain Denis was still at the helm so at one break, King Deepu honored the long-suffering driver and presented him with a gift collected from the entire group. It was also Captain Denis’ 69th birthday this day so everyone raised his or her voices to sing him happy birthday. Then Captain Denis directed the Chariot to Ashburton. There final good-byes were made and Captain Denis, along with his partner Thelma, left the trusting travelers.

In Ashburton, the local Tablers met the brave Tablers and kind Princesses. Two of these men gave the group a sheep-shearing demonstration. One used manual clippers while the other used the electric shaver. Then the curious wanderers were taken to a garden and told their lunch was there. The unbelieving group looked around but the only thing to be seen was a mound of dirt. A few courageous Tablers reached forward and announced that the dirt was very warm.

The local Tablers then revealed that they were to have a traditional Maori hangi. And sure enough lunch was buried deep beneath the earth. Intrigued the inquisitive foreigners watched as four strong men raised up shovels and began to work. In time vast quantities of meat appeared. Chicken, pork, venison and beef and all of it cooked to perfection. The now hungry travelers were nearly drooling as they watched the locals carve the meat. All of the group soon loaded their plates with food and enjoyed a delicious lunch.

Once everyone had eaten as much as they could, banners were exchanged and King Deepu thanked everyone for preparing this special hangi lunch. The local Tablers also thanked the fearless foreigners for spending all afternoon doing their part to rid the area of the dreaded drink. The locals were very impressed by how much the stouthearted Tablers and lovely Ladies could drink. The speeches inspired the minstrel Dan to gave a mini-concert on the piano that was in the hall. The group enjoyed the melodic music and everyone had fun talking to the Ashburton Tablers and Ladies.

Throughout the time in Ashburton, there had been several sightings of a Giant. No one knew if he was friend or foe. But finally the fair maiden Karen approached the Giant and discovered that he was a friend and as nice as could be. She also learned that he was nearly seven feet tall. He towered over all of the princesses and several photographs were made of him and the petite Annick.

It had been a lovely day in the neighborhood, but soon it was time to make the final journey back to Christchurch where the tour had begun seventeen days before. There was a melancholy atmosphere as the group traveled as they realized the end was near.

Nevertheless, spirits improved as the feisty foreigners reached the Latimer Lodge Hotel at the heart of Christchurch. Here plans were made for all to go to a local rugby match. Lord Graeme provided many red and black scarves to the cheering travelers to help get them in the mood. That night all yelled “Go Crusaders” as the locals won the game 35 to 7. Even at the rugby game duty prevailed, as the brave Tablers and darling Damsels battled the dreaded drink by having several beers.

After the game, Sheriff William announced that everyone was required to follow him to the Belgium Club. There alcohol from his country of Belgium had made its way to New Zealand. He wanted help in fighting the drink. All agreed this was a noble cause and were soon introduced to various types of Belgium beer. Tabler William and Lady Annick also insisted on ordering several rounds of “frits”, but insisted all eat them the Belgium way. Which is with mayonnaise.

The group eventually made their way back to Latimer Lodge where many went to the room of Barkeeper Guy-Bernard. Since the Chariot was gone, the bar had moved here. So more beer was consumed before finally all went to bed.

The final official day of the tour was spent in Christchurch. There were no set plans for the day, so the fanciful foreigners split up and did their own activities. One went golfing, some uploaded photos to a computer, others walked through town, and all enjoyed the sunshine, which they had begun to expect on this trip. By chance, many of the now close friends found themselves all at an outdoor market at the same time. So lunch was had, and as usual, all those around the group could hear laughter and spirited conversations.

But then it was time for the first of the noble Tablers to go home. With saddened hearts all said good-bye to Andreas of Germany. For the rest of the day the group felt his loss. However, all acknowledged it had been a privilege to meet him and expressed a desire to see him again. This brightened the foreigners as soon talk turned to that of a reunion. Some day, somewhere, all agreed they would meet again to fight the battle with the dreaded drink.

Those still in Christchurch began the night in the room of Guy-Barnard where the remains of the Chariot bar still remained. A few drinks were had, but soon it was time to attend the Farewell Gala Party. It was the last chance the group would have at ridding New Zealand of its excess alcohol; so all drank with added zeal.

During the course of the night several reports were given. Scribe Shyla announced that the most profitable Barkeepers were Kishore, who sold and amazing 95 drinks (although this had been boosted by the Tapawera Tablers being on the bus); Annick, who sold 37 drinks (beautiful bartenders always do well!), and Dan, who sold 31 drinks on St Patrick’s Day.

William then levied 16 dollars in Sheriff fines. After this Shyla proclaimed that the Sheriff’s on the trip that raised the most money was Andreas at $20, Annick at $24 and Deepu who originally placed $54 in fines, but then people asked for refunds and this dropped to $17. Lord Graeme earned the least amount when he was Sheriff placing only three penalties. Still, it had all been good fun and in total the merry travelers had raised an outstanding $217.50 for charity!! It was decided to give the money to Lord Robert of Nelson who would donate it to the Child Cancer Foundation Appeal.

Scribe Shyla also read several chapters of the story “The Grand Adventure of the 2008 Nevill Bullock Mass Tour of New Zealand.” But alas, the story was time consuming to write and therefore was not completed. All said they understood and were pleased when the lovely Shyla announced that in due course she would send each participant the finished story.

After this the fairy cow Freda flew to the front of the room. She had been traveling with the group for eighteen days now, and she announced that she had very much enjoyed being the mascot of the tour. Freda also revealed that she had had fun with all of her baby-sitters during the trip. Nevertheless, she had become especially fond of one person in particular. She said it was an exotic young man with a kind heart and a big smile. And then, in front of all in the room, the fairy cow Freda asked caring Kishore to marry her. When Kishore agreed, a loud cheer went up. King Deepu instantly declared his judicial rights, and married the two loving souls.

It was then that Lord Graeme called Jester Stu, the owner of Freda. Everyone had missed Jester Stu since he had left the group, so all were pleased to talk to him and give him a report on the trip. The call went well, however, Jester Stu was a bit dismayed that his fairy cow had married someone else. Still, Stu has a generous demeanor so he agreed that Kishore and Freda could remain married, as long as she returned to Nelson to live with him.

King Deepu inspired by all that had transpired, broke into a foreign tongue and said “Amigos para siempre.” This means “friends for always.” And all agreed this was an appropriate salute. King Deepu then toasted Round Table and thanked the organization for enabling us all to meet. His final act as King was to initiate “any other matters.” He said all Round Table meetings end with this so we should too.

At that time, everyone commented on the tour and some said what their favorite experiences had been. Ken also noted the bonding of the eleven travelers and said how special this is. William pointed out that without Guy-Bernard on the tour, the group would not have laughed as much. Dan then mentioned how missed Andreas was and everyone agreed. With that, Deepu declared that all good things must come to an end and everyone shouted “CHEERS BRO!”

It was with saddened hearts that the Gala Dinner finally ended. However, Guy-Bernard then said there was still some alcohol in his room. So everyone went there intent to make one last effort at finishing off the dreaded drink from the Chariot. Here a game of “spin the bottle” pursued, with whomever the bottle pointed too having to do a drink. It seemed to land several times on Poor Prathap until Karen stretched out on the bed so that she was almost certain to get a shot or two.

All were having fun, but still everyone was surprised when Kishore put on Karen’s heeled shoes and walked around the room. This produced uproarious laughter, as did Guy-Bernard’s attempt to photograph it.

Finally, it was declared the battle had been won! There was no alcohol left. The fearless Tablers and incredibly beautiful Princesses had done their duty. They had arrived in New Zealand a motley crew of strangers. But now they were fast friends determined to meet again. The gregarious group had also made friendships with the numerous hosts and hostesses that had taken them in throughout the country. It had been a magical time and all appreciated the hospitality shown to them.

With that in mind, the group disbanded and went to bed. They all slept well, knowing that they had rid New Zealand of its excess alcohol while making lasting friendships. And as they dreamt that night they remembered all of the good moments and wonderful times they had on the 2008 Nevill Bullock Tour.